Like, love and everything in between
by Whispering Darkness
Summary: Set in New Moon. Sudden realisations can be hazardous for your health. Especially if you're Bella Swan. "Jeez, Bella! Can't you even manage breakfast without halfway killing yourself?"
1. Chapter 1

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I cooked a humongous breakfast in Billy's kitchen, despite the fact that I really wasn't hungry, knowing full well that Embry and Quil wouldn't have any problems eating it all.

I was surprised when the two ravenous werewolves were actually polite enough to wait for Billy to take his share into the living room before attacking every item of food in sight. 'Huh. Who would have thought those boys had manners?' I looked at them pensively, watching them gorge themselves on the breakfast I'd made and mentally revised the previous thought. 'Or maybe Billy taught them that little courtesy the hard way.'

I sat down opposite Jake's best friends with my modest bowl of cereal, hoping that he'd be back from his patrol soon.

I had a horrible nightmare the previous night, the first one in quite a while. Well, it was actually just one of my 'usual' nightmares but after so many nights undisturbed by these dreams, it suddenly seemed so much more horrifying.

It had taken me a long moment to wake up and realise that it had been a dream. I had shakily gotten up, and quickly washed and dressed myself, anxious to leave my room. But downstairs had not been much better; Charlie had already gone to work early and the silence of the house was an unwelcome reminder of the emptiness that had haunted my dreams. I had tried to tell myself that everything was alright; that I had survived these nightmares before, that I was getting better, and that I was not alone. That my life was not empty, just because He was not a part of it anymore.

And I knew, rationally, that these things were all true. My life _wasn't_ empty anymore, I was getting better. It was easier to breathe these days, easier to laugh with Jake and sometimes his friends, easier to spent time with Angela and Jessica without having to pretend.

But despite _knowing_ all this, I just couldn't shake off the feelings of helplessness, abandonment and emptiness that engulfed me.

So I had escaped my empty house and made my way over to La Push, forgetting the time, forgetting to eat breakfast, just wanting to _feel_ that my life wasn't empty instead of just rationally _knowing_ it.

Soaking up the homey atmosphere in Billy's house and listening to the banter of two teenage boys had helped to fight the remnants of my nightmare, but I was still a bit shaky. And I knew that there was only one person who could make it alright.

My best friend, the one person I loved more than anyone else in the world.

_Wait_. _What_? I froze, holding my spoon inches from my face and staring blankly ahead, trying to make sense of the previous thought.

Jacob is my best friend, of course I love him. It's like he asked me that day in cinema; I like him better than those jokers from school. I like him better than all the guys I know and better than all the girls too.

So nothing has really changed I thought in relief and continued eating, oblivious to the odd looks from the boys opposite me at my strange pause.

'Except that the 'like' in that equation has suddenly changed into love.'

The thought snuck up on me and hit me like a brick wall.

'I love Jake.' I realized and started choking on my cereal.

I vaguely heard Embry asking me if I was alright but I was choking too much to be able to answer. That was ok, though, since I didn't really know the answer to his question anyways.

A hot, steel baseball bat suddenly hit me in the back, stealing the last of my breath and leaving me gasping for air around the cereal stuck in my throat.

Tears sprung into my eyes and I started coughing even more.

'When did that happen?' I vaguely wondered with the part of my mind not devoted to my immediate survival, thinking back to all the time I'd spend with Jake. 'When did 'like' become 'love'?'

I tried to pinpoint the moment, sifting through my memories of hanging out with Jake in his garage, of him hugging me tightly; holding me together whenever I felt like I was falling apart. Walking hand in hand on the beach, Jake smiling his bright, Jacob smile at me. Jake's arm around me when we're sitting at a bonfire, keeping me warm and safe.

'How did I miss this?' I asked myself.

It's so obvious now that I think about it. How Jake can sooth my fear, pain or sadness with just a hug. How the sunshine of his bright smile warms my very soul. How the way he looks at me sometimes, in an unguarded moment, makes my heart miss a beat.

'I'm in love with Jacob Black.' I thought, dumbfounded.

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	2. Chapter 2

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We had only just gotten to Jake's place when we heard a familiar truck pull up.

"Is that Bella?" Quil asked me, his voice slightly muffled by the cupboard he was poking around in in search of something edible.

I looked out the window and sure enough, it was Jake's girl alright. "Yep."

Quil removed himself from the cupboard and grinned at me; "Jake's gonna be pissed that he missed her."

I cocked my head; "You think she's gonna leave before he gets back? He's off patrol in an hour or so."

"Even if she does stick around, he's still gonna be pissed that he missed that hour."

"We could just tell him she's here and take over the last hour of his patrol." I pointed out, fully aware that Quil probably wouldn't go for that. Jake's our best friend after all.

"Or we could just hang out with his girl until he shows up." Quil suggested, moving his eyebrows suggestively.

Sounds about right. Jake _is_ our best friend after all; we owe it to him to make him insanely jealous. Still, I hope Quil doesn't push it too far. Jake can be bit _touchy_ when it comes to Bella.

We heard the door open and Billy offered up a friendly greeting, asking her what brought her here so early and explaining that Jake was out for another hour or so when she asked for him.

She offered to make breakfast, saying that she had been in kind of in a rush this morning and hadn't had time to eat yet. I silently cheered at the mention of food but made a mental note to ask her why she was in such a rush to see Jake. Later. When the more important things were out of the way. Like breakfast.

We greeted Bella cheerfully when she entered the kitchen. She seemed surprised to see us here, but recovered quickly and returned our greetings with a smile before busying herself with making breakfast.

Quil and I sat down at the table, watching Bella contently puttering around in the kitchen and exchanging banter among ourselves.

The smell of cooked food was mouth-watering and after what seemed like an eternity we heard Bella call out to Billy that breakfast was ready.

It took all of my self-control to keep myself from eating everything the moment she put it on the table. Still we waited like good little werewolves for Billy to help himself to the delicious meal right there in front of us. Emily isn't here right now, but I know she would find out from Sam or Billy. That woman is a lot more scary than people give her credit for. Or maybe it's just the Alpha backing her up.

'Ah! Finally!' Billy took his plate out to the living room and Quil and I were finally free to feed. God I was hungry.

After filling and emptying my plate twice in record time I started slowing down a bit and I noticed Quil doing the same. Bella had actually made a lot of food, probably enough for the both of us. Especially since I notice that Bella herself wasn't actually eating any of the food she'd cooked. Instead she was chewing thoughtfully on cereal.

Suddenly she stopped eating. In fact, she stopped moving altogether, holding her spoonful of cereal inches from her face.

I frowned and focused on my hearing and sense of smell. Nothing. I shot Quil a look. He shrugged his shoulders; so he hadnt noticed anything out of the ordinary either.

Bella continued eating without saying anything to us; in fact, she didn't seem to notice us at all. 'Huh. She seems totally lost in thought. Weird.'

And then it happened. One moment she was pensively eating her cereal. The next moment she was choking. "Are you alright?" I asked her and I was slightly panicked when she just continued coughing. I walked around the table and slapped her on the back but her coughing only increased because of it. 'Shit.'

I saw tears forming in her eyes and noticed that Quil was becoming a bit panicked as well.

"Shit, Jake's gonna kill us." he said and I could only not in agreement, looking helplessly at the coughing girl.

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	3. Chapter 3

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"Bella!"

Was that Jake's voice calling me? I thought it was just my imagination, but then I felt a warm hand gently patting my back and realised Jake must have come back from his patrol early.

I finally managed to get my coughing under control and took a few deep breaths. "I'm ok. Jake." I managed after a few long minutes.

"Jeez, Bella!" Jacob sounded relieved "Can't you even manage breakfast without halfway killing yourself?" ok, relieved and maybe a _little_ bit angry. Not like I can help it I'm such a klutz. Then again choking on cereal isn't exactly clumsiness, Whatever. It was all Jacob's fault anyways.

Jacob.

Who I am in love with.

Who is towering over my chair with an annoyed look on his face.

"Waah!"

I instinctively tried to scoot my chair back a bit, but launched myself to the floor, chair and all, instead.

In less than a second Jacob had removed me from the chair and the floor and had gathered me in his arms. That was _not_ exactly what I'd been going for.

"Jake! Put me down!" I squeaked out, unable to successfully conceal the panic in my voice. He didn't obey, but I could feel his body freeze.

"Bella?" He spoke softly and sounded almost scared.

"Jake?" I tried again, my voice still shaky but softer than before "Can you put me down?"

He just stood there, holding me in silence for a long moment before I felt his arms tighten around me. I was just about to ask him again when he slowly, carefully put my feet back on the ground again. He held on to me while I tried to regain my balance for a moment too long before he finally released me completely.

I took a step back.

"I uh..." I felt like I had to say something since all three boys were staring at me in confusion, concern and in Jakes case fear? pain? I couldn't tell for sure.

I was confused by the way Jake had been acting, annoyed at my own perpetual clumsiness and my mind was still buzzing with the realization from only moments before.

'I'm in love with Jake'

That thought made me slightly annoyed, especially since it had taken me so long to realise it. It made me confused: I mean how and when did _that_ happen? And most of all, it scared the crap out of me. And now Jacob was standing right in front of me and I couldn't think straight.

I had to get out of here, and fast. I needed to come to terms with this and I couldn't do that here. I couldn't think here. Hell, I couldn't _breathe_ here. I had to go. "I have to go."

A beat of silence before one of the, up till then silent, two stooges opened their mouth.

"Didn't you come over here to see Jake?" Embry asked me in confusion.

I tried to recall what had brought me here; "Oh, yeah... uh nightmare... fine. I should-uh go." were the words tumbling out of my mouth. 'Very smooth, Bella' I thought to myself with a grimace.

"You had a nightmare?" Jake asked me slowly, focussing on the only coherent part of my explanation.

I finally met his eyes again and noticed the concern in there, between many other unrecognisable emotions. "Uh. Yeah." I stammered. My nightmare was now the furthest thing from my mind, "I'm fine, though. It was nothing." I hastened to reassure him, trying to act as normal as I could even though I felt my whole world had turned upside down.

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	4. Chapter 4

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I had been finishing my patrol when I felt Quil phase. He called for me and his mind was filled with the image of Bella at my house. The thought filled me with joy before the memory of her suddenly starting to choke flashed by in my minds eye.

My instinct took over and before I knew it I was at my house, phasing back to my human form. I barely remembered to put on my pants before rushing inside to see Bella.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, coughing with tears in her eyes. Embry stood next to her, looking helplessly up at me as I entered.

"Bella!"

In a flash I was next to her, gently rubbing her back until her coughing abated.

"I'm ok, Jake" she told me after a long moment and I sighed in relief.

"Jeez, Bella!" I said "Can't you even manage breakfast without halfway killing yourself?" I tried to keep my tone teasing but I dont think I fully managed. Jeez, she scared the crap out of me.

She turned to look at me and I almost had a heart attack when she let out a surprised yelp and scooted her chair away from me. Had I startled her that badly?

I hadn't expected such a reaction, so I didn't react fast enough when she clumsily toppled over with the chair.

My protective instincts kicked in again, and a short moment later I had her in my arms. 'God that girl is clumsy' I thought with a smile.

"Jake! Put me down!" I had heard her say similar things many times when she believed I was crossing the line between friendship and something more. Never like this though. I heard the panic in her voice and felt like my heart just stopped beating. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe.

"Bella?" I managed to whisper, feeling absolutely terrified. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. Bella couldn't be _afraid_ of me, could she?

"Jake?" Her voice was soft and shaky and I knew that I hadn't imagined her earlier panic. "Can you put me down?"

I felt like she had asked me to stop working on cars in my free time, to stop phasing, to stop loving her, to stop breathing.

I felt like she had asked me to do something that went against my very nature to such an extend that I wouldn't be _me_ any longer if I did so.

I tightened my arms around her; I had never been more unwilling to let her go. But I couldn't refuse her, not when she already sounded so scared. Of me?

So I carefully put her back on her feet, feeling as though I was killing myself by doing so.

When her feet were steady on the floor once more, I forced myself to remove my arms from around her, feeling completely empty and alone the moment I let her go.

I wanted to reach out to her again, to draw her back in my embrace until everything was alright again but I couldn't do that now. The distance between us was silently tearing me apart.

But the distance was not enough for her. She took a step back and I felt like someone stabbed me in the chest. She was pulling away from me. Yeah, sure, she was always pulling away when I got a little too close. When I blurred the lines between friendship and more. She was constantly pushing me from the boyfriend niche that I kept trying to climb into, back to the box that was clearly marked friends. But now I felt like she would not even allow me that. She was pushing me ever further back. And it hurt.

"I uh..." I heard her mumble out. She seemed unsure of what to say and I hoped it stayed that way. I prayed to every deity that would listen that she wouldn't finish that sentence.

That she wouldn't do what I feared more than anything.

That she wouldn't leave me.

"I have to go." She finally condemned me. I wanted to yell at her that she was being unfair. I wanted to ask her why? I wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to at least remain my friend. To promise her that I would stay inside my little marked box. I wanted to howl.

I was glad when Embry spoke, keeping her from leaving for just another moment. "Didn't you come over here to see Jake?" he asked Bella, confusion plain in his voice.

She stammered out an answer; "Oh, yeah... uh nightmare... fine. I should-uh go."

I focussed on her words; "You had a nightmare?" I asked softly, concerned. Is that why she was acting so strange? I felt a small stirring of hope in my chest. Maybe this wasn't about me, maybe she was just a bit off because of her nightmare. Maybe we would be fine.

"Uh. Yeah." she seemed to be stumbling over her words; "I'm fine, though. It was nothing."

I frowned at her, nothing? Yeah right. I hadn't seen her this scared and confused in a long time. But I was hopeful now that whatever was wrong, it wasn't about me. "If you were fine you wouldn't have rushed over here at six in the morning, Bells." I told her logically, wanting her to just tell me what her nightmare was about so that I could fix it. So that I could hold her as she cried and make everything alright again.

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	5. Chapter 5

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Jake just frowned at me; "If you were fine you wouldn't have rushed over here at six in the morning, Bells."

Curse him and his logic. I couldn't deal with this right now. I just had to get away from him for a little while, to think. "Jake." his name came out as a strangled sound and I cleared my throat, before giving it another try. "Jake." There, that was better. "Jake, I uh." Ok, maybe it wasn't better; I had no idea what to say to him and was just repeating his name.

I fell silent and gave him a pleading look. "I just…" I trailed off, looking around desperately in search of inspiration. "I just… want to go for a walk." I finally finished. I nearly groaned out loud. Yeah, right. God that was lame.

Apparently Quil felt the same way; he snorted loudly, while Jake and Embry looked at me in disbelief.

"You want to go for a walk?" Jake repeated slowly.

I decided just to go with it: too late to back down now, right?

"Yep." I nodded "I'm just gonna go for a walk now, get some fresh air and all. I'm sure that will make me feel better."

All three boys just looked at me in silence for a moment before Jake sighed; "Ok. Let's take a walk."

O god, he wanted to go with me. Well, off course he did, he probably thought I wanted him to go with me too. Because we always walk together

"You can't!" Ok, maybe I said that a _little_ _bit_ too loudly. Great, now he looked hurt, and I felt like shit. I had to fix this somehow, but I couldn't let him come with me. I really needed some time to come to terms with… _this_.

I was suddenly struck with divine inspiration; "You know I always love to spend time with you Jake…" I started, just to soothe the pain on his face. "but you can't come with me right now, because I'm going to Emily's."

He looked confused now instead of hurt. That was good. "Why couldn't I go to Sam and Emily with you? The pack always hangs out there."

"Because you're not a girl!" I said cheerfully, now actually feeling good about this plan. Yup, what I really needed was a long walk on my own to think about things and then some private time with Emily. I didn't really know her that well, but she was such a nice, loving person that I just knew she would welcome me. And I wouldn't actually _have_ to talk to her. We could bake cookies or something.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I love you, but I really need a little girl time right now. So if you don't mind…" I was already making my escape, calling out a 'bye' to Billy as I opened the door and leaving the three boys to stare dumbfounded at my sudden exit.

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	6. Chapter 6

I was staring dumbfounded at the place that Bella had just occupied.

"Dude, did she just say she loved you?" Quil asked.

I just stared. She probably meant that in the brotherly sort of way. Right?

Embry nodded "Yeah, she said it alright."

I turned, swatting both of my friends on the head, trying my best to appear unaffected by the whirlwind that had been Bella this morning. Maybe she was PMS-ing? "You guys suck." was all I said to them before picking up Bella's chair and sitting down to eat as much as I could of the, by now slightly cold breakfast before my best friends shook themselves out of their stupor.

Bella had actually sounded cheerful at the idea of seeing Emily and I was glad that she was fitting into our little family so well. Emily would take care of her for me. She would pull Bella out of the strange mood that had gotten over her this morning.

Bella and I would be alright. I just knew it.

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End

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**A.N.** Is this a strange and abrupt end?

Perhaps it's just a strange and abrupt story.

I wasn't planning on writing a multi-chaptered story when I had this idea. I just figured that it would be kind of typical for Bella to realise something like this very suddenly at a totally inappropriate time: one moment she would be thinking too much, then *bam* suddenly realise that she is in love with Jake and then do something clumsy, like choking on her cereal, running into a tree, falling down or whatever.

Somehow a few other points of view crept in and I decided to post each point of view in a separate chapter for readability. My apologies on the shortness of some of these chapters.

I hope that, despite all this, you enjoyed my little story.

Love,

Maria


	7. Bonus

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"So you finally figured out that you're in love with him?"

I grimaced, battering the dough with a spoon. "Yeah, did everyone see that one coming? Because I sure didn't."

She gave me a gentle smile; "You really didn't know?"

"Nope. I almost killed myself by choking on my cereal when I realised it. Embry, Quil and Jake probably think I'm completely insane now."

Emily answered me with a beautiful laugh.

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End file.
